GRATITUDE
How could we not spontaneously express the gratitude that fills us when someone comes to our aid or offers us a gift in an act of generosity? Knowing how to be grateful for what someone does for us requires first identifying the selfless gesture or words. This also involves having a certain degree of humility by giving up the idea that everything is of our own doing.
Indeed, to thank others is to accept taking part in a generous human exchange based on sharing. The approach here is twofold: not only do we recognize the gesture of the person who helped us or gave to us, but we also reciprocate to them the idea of a possible bond.
Expressing gratitude is one of many ways to build a deep and fulfilling relationship with others, but a number of behaviors prevents us from doing so. The typical flaw of our time is that we are made to believe that everything is owed to us ... This idea is validated in part by a consumer society that inundates us with goods, and we are accustomed to an abundance that seems almost normal to us. This feeling does not always allow us to welcome the gestures or gifts of others with respect and modesty: we barely notice them, if at all, missing out on the positive aspects of our existence.
This blindness also affects those who feel that they have been cheated in their lives: any act of generosity which comes his or her way represents a lesser evil to make up for years of missing out, whether true or imagined. More broadly, it concerns those who are never satisfied with their lot, greedy for what they do not have and unable to recognize what they do have.
Another trap of modern times lies in the difficulty, if not impossibility, to feel indebted. We thus prefer to do everything for ourselves (and by ourselves) using an egocentric approach in order to avoid depending on each other and risk ending up in a vulnerable position. Such persons, possibly driven by a quest for recognition and success, should learn to let go and turn to others without expecting anything in return. We can add to these contemporary flaws other states of mind such as pride, which are obstacles to expressing feelings of gratitude that necessitate our noticing what someone else has done for us.
To feel a sense of gratitude, above all we must first look at others under a positive light. To consider that someone can help us or be generous in an unselfish manner is the first step towards expressing gratitude. This availability and openness are crucial to improving our relationships with others.
Gratitude has nothing to do with the strategy of give and take, which is a more common attitude in human relationships. What separates them? It is the fact that one is an exchange based on reciprocity. This means that one does not give unless one receives. There is no need for gratitude, the contract is complete when each side fulfills its commitment. Conversely, in a share-based giving, gratitude becomes all important. It rests on our ability to receive and ... to thank the other. A conduct much more engaging than a simple contract.
All these efforts to find peace in ones relationship with one another and to become truly available - which may finally emerge into an expressed and accepted appreciation - will be fruitful for several reasons. First, to let someone know that you were touched by their gesture, words or presence is a way to share emotions and to build or strengthen our ties. In turn, we touch them and give each other opportunities of a pleasant social life based on a solid foundation. Next, we focus on the positive and the present moment in our lives, rather than what is wrong or what we lack.
Gratitude is the source of a better state of mind, a larger optimism and continued renewal of human relationships.
- by Kinuga Anatasinjah -